This post is directed toward the ladies again.
How many of you have cried at work? I know I’ve done it way to much, especially lately. I can’t hide my emotions very easily. I feel my face getting red, my heart starts to race, my body starts to tense and depending on what emotion I’m feeling, tears start to accumulate in the corners of my eyes. I don’t think crying is a bad thing, but I don’t like to do it around others. I like to be by myself. So, as I had trouble falling back to sleep the other night after Nick woke me up to nurse, I started to think about how often I’ve been upset at work and needed to cry.
I’ve cried a lot at work.
I’ve cried in my cube, in a couple of female friends cubes, and of course, the place that I’m sure other women have cried….the large stall in the restroom. I’ve bawled my eyes out in that room, ripping huge gobs of horribly rough toilet paper from the spool, trying to stifle my emotions and keep calm. Then I’ve done the fanning of the face, trying to get the redness to go back down, eventually getting the courage to leave the stall and splash my face with water, taking deep breaths.
The first time I cried at work was my second day. An older employee thought it would be a nice thing to teach me a lesson of leaving my laptop on my desk at the end of the day, rather than locking it up. No one had told me to lock up the laptop and I didn’t have a lock to keep it on the desk. I came into the office, just seeing a note on my desk telling me that they hid my computer because I was supposed to lock it up and then signed their name backward. I was new, so I didn’t know who this person was, and didn’t know that they had locked my laptop in my own cabinets and had hidden the key under my mouse pad. I know, not much to cry about really, but it upset me.
I’ve cried many times about various maternity leave issues, from being worried about how I would initially be received for the first maternity leave and for the second, when I was told that there would be no agreement in writing, only that they would “work with me”.
I’ve cried because certain co-workers have repeatedly ignored me because of a disagreement, or said mean things to me, or were insensitive to something that I thought was important or gotten reprimanded for things that were sometimes out of my control and sometimes things that I just screwed up on.
I cried when my co-worker passed away and I was so sad that a life was lost un-necessarily.
And I’ve cried because of family events, a pet passing and a family member passing.
Most of the crying occurred in that large stall, but occasionally at my desk. I hate showing my tearful emotions in a male dominated environment. It makes men uncomfortable to have women cry around them. They don’t know what to do and it just makes me look like a blubbering mess. I’ve done my best to cry in the privacy of a restroom.
I’m not sure why I’m sharing this, but I’m sure that other women have done the same thing. Not all has been bad though. There have been some very happy moments at work and that restroom stall was even the place that I realized that I better head home to have my baby boy Nicholas.
I will be starting a new job soon. My goal is to have a tougher skin if I become upset with a situation. I will work on taking deep breaths to keep myself calm. I’m done with crying at work. Peace.