Mommy guilt always ensues when I want to follow my extracurricular passions…triathlons, running, knitting, teaching childbirth classes, sewing, coaching basketball, starting a baby wearing group, attending ICAN meetings, etc.
I feel guilty because I know my husband has just been at the house with both boys all day long and I’m sure he wants a break. I leave the house at 6:30 am and I am gone until around 4:00pm at night if I’m lucky. So that leaves just a few hours in the evening to play with the kids, nurse the baby often, play with the three-year old, cook dinner, play on the internet (need to really cut that out), talk with my husband over dinner and then finally go to bed after attempting to help with the dishes, put away laundry, get night-time cloth diapers on the kids, brush teeth, lay out my clothes for the next day, and freeze pumped breast-milk.
I feel like I neglect my duties around the house because I’m gone all day. I know that my husband wants to go work out, or just have time to himself. If he is lucky, he goes and runs while I cook dinner.
The problem comes up when I want to vary the schedule. Going to meet with friends, or coach basketball or teaching women about a childbirth, the last two, I’m very passionate about and it just gets hard. I don’t know how single moms do it and I’m thankful that I have a husband around but sometimes I wonder if I would have the mommy guilt as much if I were at home during the day.
In the evenings, I could feel less guilty because my husband would want to spend time with the kids because he hadn’t seen them all day and I would be free to go do my extracurriculars. I know honestly that I would probably still feel guilty because I would want both of us to have some time to follow our own interests.
Another complication to all of this self-inflicted stress is just the normal stress of work. I will be changing jobs soon and that alone is a little un-nerving. Being the “bread-winner” of the family, you pray that you are making the right choice. Then you have some at work that are very positive about the job change, yet others tell you that you are making the wrong move or even stepping backwards. Who said I was trying to go forward? I don’t want to climb the corporate ladder. I’m in dress shoes and a skirt. 🙂
I know that all moms get stressed out and I’m not trying to whine here, just relieve some stress. I’m sure a lot of you out there feel stressed in many of the same ways.