Sibling Comparisons

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 I’m guilty of comparing my children to each other. I’ve compared when they first got their teeth, first crawled and walked. 

However, I try to remember that although they came from the same gene pool and are being raised the same way, they are two very unique little boys.  They will have their own strengths, opinions and problems.

I parent them the same way.  Or at least, I feel that I do, with a bit of experience added in with my second.  I keep hearing people saying that one child is harder to care for than their previous child.

 If you are constantly focused on how much “harder” the second, third or even seventh child is compared to another child that is all you are going to see.  You won’t see their uniqueness and strengths, only the perceived difficulties.  Subsequent children deserve no comparison to their elder siblings.  It isn’t their fault that you feel the elder child was “easier.”  These thoughts and words can harm the relationship between parent and child and even sibling to sibling.

In Hypnobabies ® Hypnosis for Childbirth, we focus the mind on the positive.  I think that has helped me immensely in rearing my two boys.  I do my best to accept that they are different little boys. So far it has helped me keep some inner peace. 

I really enjoy reading a daily newsletter called The Daily Groove by Scott Noelle . It gives me a different perspective on parenting that reminds me that there are always different ways to look and react to a situation.

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2 thoughts on “Sibling Comparisons

    thevfamily said:
    September 10, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    God really put me in my place with this comparison issue right after Wesley was born. When becoming pregnant and discovering it was another boy, I felt almost as if I was set up in repeat mode. Same ideal pregnancy, almost identical deliveries (with both entering the world near the same early morning hours), and I thought, “Yeah, second boy pregnancy, second boy, just like the first” but it has not been that in any way. They are so different. The moment Wesley was born, I put him to my breast, just like I did Daniel, and the kiddo hung out there for 15 minutes actually working, whereas I struggled getting Daniel to nurse his first week. At that moment, a light bulb went off in my head and heart, and it was as if God told me “Two boys, brothers, siblings, but not the same; remember that, always.” Yes, they love some of the same things (like trains and books–and me!) but on a whole, while we are the same parents with both, they are very different children, with unique talents, abilities, preferences, and struggles. Thank for yet another reminder.

    kmiller246 said:
    September 12, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    I’m probably one of the parents you are referring to! My kids are almost as different as night and day. Maybe the parents you perceive as complaining are just looking for a little support, or “yeah, my kid did that too, hang in there”?? Sometimes kids throw you a parenting curve ball and you need to know others have been there, done that. It may be annoying for those that handled it years ago, or continue to handle (even after many years) what you’re just starting with…but it doesn’t mean they “only” see the difficulty in their child. And it especially doesn’t mean that they would say things like that to their children. I absolutely see each of my children’s strengths…and sometimes I also have to refect and see some of the things in myself that I may not like…i.e., V’s sassiness. Lol. But a snippet of something you see on facebook or a conversation doesn’t mean they’re just so frustrated with something that the child (or parent/child relationship) is being negatively affected by it. Parenting is frustrating at times. We all handle it different ways. Some look to others, some look to research…some don’t look for answers at all! Just like we all handle stress in different ways…sometimes we handle it patiently without anger and sometimes we yell. But if I’m having trouble with a child, I tend to think I’m not meeting their needs in some way. Not that it’s the child’s “fault” or anything like that. Maybe this child is different and the parent hasn’t found their new groove yet…or a new way to handle a different developmental stage. Being a parent is hard – and frustrating – and also the most rewarding and loving thing anyone could ever do.

    That’s just my humble opinion, of course…and I understand what you’re trying to say. But there are always other facets of a situation. 🙂

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