“Are you trying for a girl?”

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Ahhh, the words I love to dread. 

 When you have no children and people find out you’re pregnant, they ask you if you want a boy or a girl.  I always felt awkward replying because if I said one or the other and had the opposite, would they think I was ungrateful for the child that I had. I ended up finding out that Liam was a boy at our one and only ultrasound.  The ultrasound tech made the announcement without asking if we wanted to know.  My husband wanted to know, so I think it made him happy.  I had a moment, a tiny moment of “it’s not a girl,” run through my head and then I was excited and headed immediately to the thrift store to start buying little boy newborn clothes.  I remember telling my mom that we were having a boy and she sounded down about it.  I asked her what was wrong and she had just assumed that I would be having a girl because she had a girl first.  She was still very excited, but it unfortunately wasn’t quite the reaction that I was expecting.  With my father, I was utterly shocked.  He hadn’t been that excited when I told him I was pregnant, but when I told him it was going to be a boy, he started spouting off all of the things he was going to buy him.

 After you have a child of a certain gender, then people automatically assume that you want to have the opposite.  So when I told people I was pregnant with my second, they would say, “Trying for that girl? Or I bet you’re hoping for a girl.”  For the second pregnancy, we had no ultrasound and intended to find out when the baby was born.  I had friends examining the way I was carrying my second child and frequently heard, “Ohh, it’s going to be a girl.  I just know it.” 

 That didn’t help me mentally.  I knew that I would enjoy having either one, but one does sometimes desire to raise a child of the opposite sex.  However, for me, finding out was not an option.  I absolutely did not want to know, mainly because I didn’t want to allow that minute feeling of letdown again. It just was not going to happen for me.  The moment where I discovered my second child was a boy, was amazing.  It truly did not matter that he was a he.  He was my beautiful, healthy baby boy that I had birthed into my own hands.  He was perfect. 

 Now that we are pregnant with our third and we have two boys, I’m fully expecting the jokes and questions that we are going to have to keep trying until we get a girl.  Why though?  Maybe God knows that I will parent little boys the best.  Maybe he knows that I cannot handle the teenage girl years.  I wonder if people ask women with multiple girls if they are going to try and have a boy.  I really don’t think they ask women with daughters as often about trying for a little boy. 

 We won’t be finding out the gender of the child with this pregnancy.  I do not bond better with my child in utero just because he is a he or she is a she.  I have other friends that have to know and I celebrate with them when they find out.  I enjoy being pregnant but I really do have a hard time with the people interactions when they want to have small talk about my ever increasing belly. 

They all mean well, and I’m sure most of them love talking to pregnant women because it is a very special time in life.  I just wish that the focus wasn’t so much on whether my unborn child has a penis or a vagina.  It doesn’t matter.  They will be wonderful no matter what body part they arrive with. I know that a child is precious no matter what gender they are and I think most of us feel that way.  I have so many friends that have desired more children or even just that first child, so I know that any feelings of disappointment are fleeting as I remember to be grateful for the gift of each child that God blesses us with. 


2 thoughts on ““Are you trying for a girl?”

    Brenna Reynolds said:
    January 17, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Oh yes, as the mama of two kids, both girls, I often get asked when we’re going to “try” for a boy. Um, we’re not. Thank you very much. I don’t think my life is any less joyful without a son. Says I. Besides, even if we DID lose our sanity and decide to have another child, we wouldn’t be TRYING for anything. Lol

    heathbar731 said:
    January 23, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    My friend has four beautiful little girls, and yes, everyone asked them if they were hoping their 4th was going to be a boy. I think she would’ve liked to have a boy just so she could have one, but they are amazing parents to those girls. I’ve heard her say before that she guessed that God knew she might not have enough patience for boys. 🙂

    For the record, my hopes for a girl are solely based on Liam’s prayers. 🙂 You’re a great mommy to those two boys, and whichever gender this child is, you will be a great mommy to this baby too!

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