So in two weeks, I may or may not get back on Facebook.
At the moment, in my massive mood swings of pregnancy hormones, I’m not sure I want to bother with cyber Facebook friendships or even real life friendships, at least the ones here in town.
While I’ve been away from Facebook, I’ve had a handful of friends that I’ve interacted with via e-mail or message boards, two on the phone and two friends in person. I was really hoping that I would get to meet up with friends in person during the Facebook hiatus, but handful of times now, they’ve either been no shows or other plans on their part have come up. I’m having a bit of a pity party here if you can’t tell. I want to hang out with my friends in real life, but I miss the days of walking down the street, knocking on my friends’ doors and seeing if they want to come out and play. Instead, planning get togethers with friends is a continual scheduling hassle. E-mails and phone calls to set up grown up play dates that rarely happen. These are people that I want to see, but I’m just frustrated with the complexities of adulthood. I have to laugh when I think about t.v. shows that depict grown ups hanging out all of the time with their friends. That doesn’t happen when you get married and throw a few kids in the mix.
I have so many friends that would rather just text back and forth instead of picking up the phone. Most would rather just keep tabs on my life by viewing pictures of my kids on Facebook or seeing my status updates. Those things may be fine in moderation, but I’m sad to see that we can’t even take the time to have a cup of coffee at one another’s house. Honestly, I’ve kept in better touch in the past month with my friends that live hundreds and even thousands of miles away, than I have those that live in my own town.
Right now my own life feels like it is about to spin out of control. Life is happening very quickly, the pregnancy aches are here in full force too. The aches are to the point that I’m in tears when walking down the street, even after a chiropractic adjustment. I cried at my chiropractor today because I was hurting so much and I was an emotional wreck. I felt bad letting my tears fall in front of him. My husband is out-of-town three to four days a week, I have to wake my children at an unnatural hour for them, hear them cry and beg to go back to sleep, then I spend an hour and a half commuting to work and taking my kids to the sitters house, go to work at a job that I’m not enthusiastic about, have to endure polite conversation about my growing belly, see them trying to decide if they should ask if I’m pregnant and then have them examine me with their eyes as they try to guess the sex of the baby, another hour and a half commute to get my kids, then try to get my kids outside so they have at least an hour of outside play, make dinner, do baths, tell Liam his Jacob and the Bear story and crash hard before having to do it all again at 5:45 am. I guess two things I can be thankful for so far in pregnancy, I’m not having to get up and urinate every hour or having pregnancy induced insomnia. The days that my husband is home, I’m rushing around trying to do all the things I couldn’t do without him here or teaching my last session of Hypnobabies before the baby comes.
We’re prepping our house for sale. It is going to take a lot of work and I’m trying to do the bulk of the work before I get so big that I have to take tons of breaks because of my aching body. It’s something I dread and something that I really wish I could get tons of help from friends, but trying to schedule the help is another hassle that I think I would rather just keep visiting the chiropractor to fix the physical problems, rather than sit in a mess of tears because I feel like everyone is too busy help.
Tonight is one of those nights my husband is out of town. It is bedtime and story time, bath time is being eliminated for the night. They smell alright. Hopefully the tears will stay away tonight. I hate waking up with bloodshot eyes. I have to remember, this is all happening for a purpose, a plan, that has been taking years to happen. I have to remember to be thankful.