Mourning 40 Weeks

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Many may not understand this but in the days after birthing Grant, I’m really struggling emotionally. Some of it is postpartum hormone surges but part of it is, I was not expecting to birth a baby at 37 weeks. I’m still supposed to be pregnant. I’m still supposed to have a baby inside my belly, wondering if it will be a he or a she. I’m supposed to be anxiously awaiting 40 weeks and wondering how many days I would go past. I went over two times before, why did it not happen this time?

So many pray for their baby’s to come early, but I don’t. I expect that they will choose their birthday’s, which this glorious little guy did…but not this early. I was in tears two days ago, massaging my belly, wishing the baby was still inside. I had to take the weekly alerts off of my iPad so that I wouldn’t be told how big my baby is supposed to be. My husband knows I’m struggling with this change of plan but he accidentally just said, “guess I need to take the due date off of the calendar.” I burst into sobs.

Another part of it is, I’m pretty sure my husband does not want anymore kids. During this past pregnancy, I would waiver back and forth. Now, the pregnancy is over, and I may never again feel a baby inside of me. I was supposed to get three more weeks. Tears are coming hard now and I need to take my herb bath. Anyone else have these overwhelming feelings of not being done?


5 thoughts on “Mourning 40 Weeks

    Katherine said:
    July 3, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    Oh my sweet friend, your sadness is real. I had the very same thoughts right after M’s birth this last time, although she only came 4 days before her guess date. But I did have the same sadness over whether or not she will be our last baby. My heart goes out to you. Eat well, rest well, and give yourself time to move through this process as your heart determines. Sending a great big {{{{{hug}}}}}} to you. 🙂

    Jada said:
    July 3, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    After every pregnancy, I have found myself feeling my belly and waiting for those precious kicks. It is hard for me regardless of when the baby comes because I miss that even though I can cuddle my new baby. I understand the sadness of not knowing if this baby will be your last. I keep wondering if we will be blessed with anymore and if my hubby is really done. I tried to enjoy every minute of this last pregnancy and I have really tried to enjoy the infant stage this time. I pray you overcome the sadness and get to enjoy this precious time.

    Susan said:
    July 4, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Oh, Mama. So sorry you feel this way. I still struggle with Tess’ 35 week arrival. I feel absolutely robbed. Like my last shot at a good pregnancy and birth was stripped from me. I hope that you are able to work through this and come to a good place. HUGS to you and Congratulations!!

      lahancock responded:
      July 4, 2012 at 1:26 pm

      Susan I remember when she came. I believe it was during carrier fairy if I remember right. Yes, I can imagine you know exactly how I feel, although at thirty five weeks, I would have been even more freaked since I planned a home birth and I would have had to go to the hospital which very much frightens me. Thank you for sharing.

    Traleigh said:
    July 10, 2012 at 12:08 am

    Totally. My girls came at 37 and 39 weeks, naturally and on their own schedule and it was difficult. Especially with the first one because I still had not even unwrapped all the shower gifts. But with my younger one, I felt anxious that she would be even earlier than her sister (born at 37 weeks) and that I would be forced to go to the hospital, but after 38 weeks rolled around, I felt this sense of peace wash over me and I began wishing for a later due date. She was born a few days later. I can totally relate to your sense of loss.

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