Many may not understand this but in the days after birthing Grant, I’m really struggling emotionally. Some of it is postpartum hormone surges but part of it is, I was not expecting to birth a baby at 37 weeks. I’m still supposed to be pregnant. I’m still supposed to have a baby inside my belly, wondering if it will be a he or a she. I’m supposed to be anxiously awaiting 40 weeks and wondering how many days I would go past. I went over two times before, why did it not happen this time?
So many pray for their baby’s to come early, but I don’t. I expect that they will choose their birthday’s, which this glorious little guy did…but not this early. I was in tears two days ago, massaging my belly, wishing the baby was still inside. I had to take the weekly alerts off of my iPad so that I wouldn’t be told how big my baby is supposed to be. My husband knows I’m struggling with this change of plan but he accidentally just said, “guess I need to take the due date off of the calendar.” I burst into sobs.
Another part of it is, I’m pretty sure my husband does not want anymore kids. During this past pregnancy, I would waiver back and forth. Now, the pregnancy is over, and I may never again feel a baby inside of me. I was supposed to get three more weeks. Tears are coming hard now and I need to take my herb bath. Anyone else have these overwhelming feelings of not being done?