If you don’t want to know the state of my nether regions, you should probably stop reading now.
I’ve been feeling heaviness in the vagina area for the past three days. Of course google can freak you out and I’ve had friends that have had issues, so I had an idea that there was a chance that I had some type of prolapse going on. I had my midwife come over this morning to examine my healing and see if there was anything serious going on. She told me that my “minor” tear had not healed together, and that I did seem to have a little bit of bladder prolapse. The prolapse is supposed to be minor and with some physical therapy, should be repaired. I just need to strengthen my pelvic floor and my abdominal walls to help draw things upwards.
I’m really upset about both things though. Grant is eleven days old today. I really wanted to be nearing the end of the first part of healing, but instead, I’m getting to look forward to being shot up with the horrid, horrid lidocaine, that never seems to numb anything, recut and then stitched back up. That means another two weeks or so of rehealing the tissues, plus needing to lie down a ton anyway because every time I walk, my vagina just feels heavy (which I assume is the prolapse, I’m feeling.)
I’m so mad at myself right now. I so badly did not want stitches after this birth, but I should have insisted on them. I’m also mad at myself because at times, I did not rest like I was supposed to. Sometimes I felt like a certain thing needed to be done, so I did it and now I get to pay for it. Then I’m frustrated that I have no idea how long until I feel back to normal down there. On top of that my husband will begin working out of town next week, three hours away and will be gone most of the week. My mom will come for a few days, but then I’m on my own with three boys in a two story house. How the hell am I supposed to take it easy and rest? And I don’t really want to rest, I want to go out and play with my kids…and I can’t.
Some people may suggest paying for someone to come in and help, but we really don’t have the money to do so. Well, I guess we could sell a car! But our financial future is about to change and we really, really need to conserve our money, not spend it. Sigh. I just feel so down and I was just starting to feel back to normal.