Dear concerned family and friends,
I’m so thankful that you have decided to express your concerns over me homeschooling my children. I want to make sure that I cover all of your concerns and make sure I understand where you are coming from.
1. My children’s socialization
Of course, I forgot that was the most important item to remember when considering my children’s education. I completely planned to keep my children home and completely sheltered. I mean, you’ve known me my whole life, I’m definitely not a sociable person, I think my children will appreciate only getting to play with me and their siblings. I’m wickedly awesome, of course they only want to play with me. Maybe for kicks we can all start wearing matching dickies and blue jean jumpers to round out our “weirdness.”
Another extremely good argument for public school over homeschooling! Yes, I understand you knew that one kid that was in private school (pretty much the same as homeschool, right) who was deprived of the opportunity to play sports because he wasn’t in public school. Yes, I’m extremely worried that my children might not get the opportunity to participate in sports. They used to have these things called club sports or travel teams, but I guess those are only for the really crappy athletes. Public high school athletics are the only way to get a college scholarship. Almost all athletes get one right? I guess, I should definitely reconsider my children’s education options, now that you mention the high school sports dilemma.
3. “Me time”
Yes, when you teach your children at home, you never get time alone. I am looking forward to losing my identity to raising my children. I do enjoy taking a dump with my children watching me, how else do you think my children have learned to defecate? That is all part of my education plan. A very well rounded education! Yes, I’m sure your concern for my time has nothing to do with the fact that you really want me to be an engineer again. You think that I threw away an amazing opportunity to make a ton of money. You just didn’t see my soul dying slowly with every morning commute. Yes, sitting in cubicle world was most definitely my dream. I will truly miss all the inspiring individuals that surrounded me…the guy that drank olive oil and slept at his desk, the workplace gossip, the scores of people just pretending to work so that their bosses would leave them alone. Yes most, definitely my dream job! I’m sure my life will never be fulfilling again.
4. Teaching ability
Yes, I understand that you feel unqualified to teach, so that of course must mean that I should feel inadequate too. Yes, that pesky engineering degree may make teaching math really difficult for me. I’m very much fretting teaching algebra one day.
I know all of those elementary school teachers have post doctorates to teach reading, writing and arithmetic. My background in teaching, coaching, travel, crafting, and general interest in learning won’t possibly be of worth when teaching my kids. Maybe my ability to read and go to the library might help in our education endeavors, but you may be right, my kids won’t possibly learn if they don’t have pop quizzes and weekly tests. Maybe, you can just quiz me kids whenever we visit and you can see if I’m teaching them properly. I mean, someone has to oversee that I am actually teaching my children something, you seem pretty qualified to grade my kids.
Well, I figured my kids will go to college one day, but I’ve got to get them to stop nursing and get them to sleep in their own rooms.
Yes, I understand that you believe my children have to go to public school to get into college. I don’t know what that gossip was about Ivy League colleges and other great universities actively seeking out homeschooled children to be a part of their student bodies. That must have been some prank by a bored web designer. They like to make their websites look like they have lots of links and information just for fun.
6. You’ve met a homeschooler?
Oh, you’ve met one homeschooler in your entire life. Oh, you thought they were weird. Then of course, I should rethink my schooling choices. I never met a “weird” kid in public school. They were all gems, all very well liked. Yes, they were all intelligent, extremely sociable, not a single one was shy or awkward. Oh, the homeschooled seven year old boy you met couldn’t read. Why, yes, of course all public school children read at age seven and at the fourth grade level. Yes, reading at an early age most definitely means that the child will be brilliant.
Honestly, I’ve listened to your concerns. I truly hear you. But guess what, I’m pretty stubborn. I’m going to homeschool my kids for as long as it works for us. We are going to have a kick ass time. If you want to provide some more opinions about homeschooling, I really think you should branch out yourself and meet more than one homeschooler before you make an opinion. I quit my job, not because I wanted to piss you off, although, I’m kind of enjoying your frustration. I quit my job because I did want to be with my children. I know, shocking right? Guess I’m screwed for the “me time” you were talking about. My kids are going to get to try out tons of different things, learn that your schooling never ends and it doesn’t only have to occur in a classroom. Maybe I will luck out and get those über weird homeschooling kids that everyone seems to know, the ones that don’t know how to socialize, never play sports, and live at home for the rest of their lives since they couldn’t get into college.