I was “unfriended” by someone that I would consider a pretty close friend a few weeks ago. In the moment, there was relief, anger in the following days and in weeks there is sadness.
I’m the type of person that says what is on my mind. I make attempts to use tact but it doesn’t always happen. Sometimes I blurt things out or type them out and I probably should have just kept silent. But I’ve never been the silent type, my family can attest to that. I’m a stick my foot in my mouth and then look goofy type. I’m a say it how I see things and expect the other person to just deal.
I’m a lot like my father in that I’m short tempered, don’t like dealing with crap that I don’t have to, sometimes condescending and sometimes just a bitch (even though I’m not sure what the male equivalent to bitch is…jack ass maybe?)
I’m also a lot like my mother. I’m compassionate and value the relationships with people. I try to go out of my way to be nice to people and I like to do things for others. I’m also very tender hearted. The strong bravado on the outside has just been a protective measure.
When you put the two personalities together, you get someone that will laugh and joke in the moment and then cry in a room alone, feeling hurt.
My dad would always pick and tease and I would run away and go cry.
The ending of a friendship may not be permanent but it sure has been affecting me lately. I wonder if it will happen again. I’ve got to put myself out there when we move. Will the next friend misinterpret me? Will someone else cut me out of their life because I said too much?
I know I shouldn’t worry about it. I should just turn the hurt part of my brain off, but it just won’t. In the quiet moments, as my kids fall asleep around me, or when driving in the car hundreds of miles in an effort to keep my house pristine and show ready, my mind wanders to the loss of the friendship. I guess it was inevitable. I am me. They didn’t love me for me and I couldn’t seem to love them in the way that they needed to be loved. I’m not asking for pity. Maybe if anything, make sure to let me know how I can be a better friend to you when I ask….because I’ve asked friends before and they don’t say a thing. If I’m not being a good friend to you, let me know. I will do my best to remedy it, but I will be me and maybe we just aren’t meant to be friends.