“Mean Girls”-Does it ever stop?

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Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 1.16.12 PMSo, I’ve been pondering this thought.  You know the stereotypical “mean girl” mentality that we probably all encountered or even were in our teenage years (or beyond)….

Does the “mean girl” attitude go away?  Does it get worse as new mothers try to establish themselves in a hierarchy of women?  Does it get better with time?

I ask because, I know I’ve been that “mean girl.”  I know too that at age 33, the desire to be mean back rears its head often as I meet other women that may not believe what I believe. Or a level of frustration tips me over the edge and a flood of unkind words flows out of my mouth…or really the tips of my fingers and I try to prove my dominance.  I wonder if my own passive aggressiveness will wane with age as I just decide I don’t want to deal with the crap and just let things roll off of me.

Women can be so mean sometimes.  Why do we do that?  Why must we belittle others to make a point? Why do we publicly and privately make judgements on others when we don’t know their entire story.  I feel like some days, I’m much better with all of this than others.  Perhaps my own struggles at home with my kids or people that I interact with make my tolerance level for bullshit lower and I just get pissed off more quickly.  I do think that the internet makes us all braver.  I know in person, I often don’t say what I really think out of fear that I might start crying or make some else cry.  I really wish that we all would just take a moment to think before we type.

I just pray that with age, we all get nicer.  Pushing other people’s buttons does nothing for my stress levels and then I bring it home to my family and act like a punk with my six-year-old. Anyone else guilty of this?  Anyone that is wiser care to comment?  Tell me it gets better?


4 thoughts on ““Mean Girls”-Does it ever stop?

    Teresa Frogge said:
    February 10, 2014 at 3:51 pm

    I think it does get better, but I am still passive aggressive (at least my therapist says I am). As I get older I find that I do not care to put up with much bs but now I just walk away from it. There have been many times that I have written an email only to delete it because my words were too harsh. In this electronic age it is best to give yourself a few minutes to cool down before hitting he send button.

    Jenni at Mamahhh.com said:
    March 30, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    Non-violent communication/compassionate communication & women’s circles have been so very helpful to me. Those two practices have helped me be more awake to my own ungenerous thinking & to give me that extra moment to shift my thinking & to reconsider what I’m about to say. Those practices have also helped me refine my language, and upgraded my skillfulness with empathy and framing my own experiences. I’m going on about 4 years of practice now, and I think I’ll always be apprenticing with this softer way of being. I still feel like a novice! I’m clear that it’s not the natural mindset I grew up with, and while I’m totally willing to shoulder my responsibility for patterns of thought & perspective, I also do keep in mind that we live in a culture that still emphasizes competition over collaboration and doing over being. It’s huge work to rewire the brain. It’s huge work to move through the culture in a different way. There’s more support than ever for self-care and for an “I am enough” mindset — for me, those are important ingredients in the antidote to the Mean Girl state of mind. We gotta give ourselves a lot of support and kindness as we try to make these upgrades. Taking down the Mean Girl mindset starts between our own two ears, I think! Thanks for your post & for raising this big topic … it’s really important work, and I’d love to talk with you about how it’s going for you, and share how it’s going for me (some days better than others!) anytime! xoxox

    lahancock responded:
    March 30, 2014 at 8:21 pm

    Jenni, I love that you are reading my blog. Hopefully I can get to another circle sometime soon. Maybe after this current Hypnobabies class ends.

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